MOTHER SCHMUCKERS -- DUMB AND DUMBER on Crack

Review by Adam Donato

Mother Schmuckers is a film that played at the Sundance Film Festival last year. Its reputation is less than desirable, but bad press has its advantages. The film is written and directed by Harpo and Lenny Guit. The pair has done a couple shorts together, but Harpo has had the more bountiful acting career. Harpo plays Zabulon who is brothers with Issachar. These two spend the movie running around town causing mayhem and looking for their mother’s dog. While this movie has no problem standing out, does its insanity make for an enjoyable viewing experience?

This “movie”, which is only in quotations because it’s only seventy minutes long, is painful. Some people have called this movie offensive, which is fair. Mother Schmuckers begins with one of the brothers desperately trying to eat cooked fecal matter, to his mother’s dismay (and to the audience’s…). That whole scene does a solid job of setting the tone. The part that really sells the offensiveness is the beastiality orgy. We live in a much more progressive society than generations before where acceptance of other people’s choices is the move, but that’s just downright disgusting. Of course the dog bites off the head honcho’s dick. Is that a spoiler? Good, don’t watch this.

Some reviews will argue for the validity of the “so bad that it’s good” case for Mother Schmuckers, but those must be the bravest souls. Many compared this to a Jackass movie, which is not unfounded. There’s parts of the movie where something crazy is happening and the camera zooms in on a person’s reaction in the background. The cinematography is subpar, which would be explained if the found footage element is true. If not, what a weird editing choice! Having a Jackass movie be released less than a month ago, the formula of a movie like that should be fresh in people’s minds. The reactions are funny because they’re real. Most people in this movie are like cartoon characters. This movie isn’t real and it shouldn’t be.

This review likens Mother Schmuckers to Dumb and Dumber because it’s just two of the stupidest people imaginable trying to accomplish a seemingly simple/unnecessary goal. The difference is that Dumb and Dumber has their idiots fumble their way to good fortune. It’s funny because they shouldn’t be where they are. In Mother Schmuckers, the two idiots are rightfully rummaging through trash so that one of them can dress up like a dog and eat a trash burger that is full of maggots. Come to think of it, there’s entirely too much rummaging through the garbage. Not to mention the idiots spend the whole movie messing with each other during crucial moments of their mission. They’re obnoxiously immature and annoying. Christians rejoice, for this movie is proof that evolution does not exist. This might be a niche reference, but with all the dumpster diving and unevolved freaks, this movie is like watching an It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode featuring the McPoyles. Except, everybody is a McPoyle.

Not even a crisp seventy minute runtime can save this “movie” from its own contents. If it's so bad that it’s good includes beastiality and eating fecal matter, then be my guest. This movie makes Jackass Forever look like Citizen Kane. Don’t watch this under any circumstances. Enduring this movie is, in a word, a challenge.

Mother Schmuckers hits theaters on March 4.

Rating: 0.5/5