SCARED TO DEATH -- Bored to Death

Review by Steve Barton II

When you see a poster with a giant pentagram, spooky kids and horror legends Bill Mosley and Lin Shaye, you’d think that’d be a promising watch for any gore-hound, right? Judging a book by its cover is a lesson that we’ve all learned from a young age and sometimes we need to be reminded. Scared to Death is a great example of using star power and familiar meta humor to sell tickets. Scared to Death follows Jasper (Oliver Paris, A.P. Bio) as a recent film school graduate who is working on director Max’s (Lin Shaye, Insidious) new film that has witchcraft and séances. In order to be authentic, they hire a medium, Felix (Bill Mosley, The Devil’s Rejects) to conduct a real séance in an abandoned orphanage and chaos ensues!

The most glaring issue that Scared to Death has is its lack of a true identity. The genres listed are comedy and horror, but they don’t go far enough in either direction to warrant the designation. The first 15-20 minutes are mainly on a studio soundstage where we spend the whole time making “jokes” about all the antics that go on behind the scenes paired with bare minimum character set-up. They even attempt some self-aware humor with the character of The Grog (Kurt Deimer) who is a major celebrity in their world and is the major reason they have a budget for their movie. The joke works the first time and Kurt is funny enough, but when they keep making the same “Hey, remember when you did this movie” dialogue every few minutes it gets stale quickly. Funnily enough, the film itself does the same thing with its casting, especially of its two big stars. Bill Mosley is a horror icon for many big reasons, but in Scared to Death he’s purely just here as a stand-in, glorified cameo who could’ve been any living actor. Bill obviously elevates the basic material with his incredible screen presence, but it could’ve been so much better if you let him work. Lin Shaye got to be a bit more unconventional and unhinged, but Bill wasn’t given such a privilege.

The horror moments and special effects in Scared to Death aren’t too bad, they’re far from being memorable. The makeup on the “haunted” characters is done well and Lin Shaye’s makeup in the last half of the movie is the highlight of the whole picture. Due to budget, they utilized both digital and practical effects, but the practical work stands worlds above the rest. The sets were fine, but the attic in the orphanage was the best. The horrifying visual of the old bed and just a beam of light is the only thing saving you from drowning in the darkness is nightmare fuel. The ghost kids got too much into Ju-on (The Grudge) territory and shows that they lack any original ideas.

In the end, Scared to Death doesn’t deliver on its promise in the title. You’ll find yourself surfing the seas of dreamland or doom-scrolling TikTok before ever getting scared more than once or twice. Both of the big stars deliver on what they were hired for, but the material feels uninspired. The remainder of the cast was fine, but B.J. Minor stole the show as Johnny! The only character that had hilarious dialogue and acted like a real person, rather than a caricature of a “Hollywood elite snob”. If you're looking to see a movie with friends and get the nervous giggles at something spooky, don’t look to Scared to Death for that fix. 

Scared to Death hits select theaters starting March 13th! 

Rating: 2/5